Who I Am
by guardianshadows
Summary: During the attack of Miira, only certain people can stand up to the challenge. Can the young human, Lorelai, overcome her traumatic past, or will she become one of the next fatalities? Told in a first person point of view, her tale of her past struggles will come before her current ones - or will they consume her through to the end? Based off the series by Akira Toriyama
1. Chapter 1 Forgotten Memories

The first thing remembered was the Looking Glass... Mother always said that if you looked through it, you could see a world that was free from all the cares and troubles in the one that you lived in, for in the Looking Glass, you controlled what you saw... But the Looking Glass never saved me. How could it when all it embodied was a false dream?

What I saw when I looked through the Looking Glass... was the exact same thing that I viewed without it. Mother was still depressed. Father was still a drunk. People were still dying. The only thing that seemed to make a bit of difference was the fact that I saw myself when I peered through the Glass, something I never saw when I was witnessing the world. It didn't really matter though. I was small, insignificant, not even enough to stop the cruelness that was ripping the family apart piece by piece.

Who was I? What could I do in the world? I was the cause of all of the pain. I had to be. Mother and Father were always happy - that is, until I came along. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it wasn't my fault. That doesn't mean that someone shouldn't take the blame, and since I'm the only one left, it is my weight to bear.

One of my earliest memories was of darkness. Complete darkness. I was in the room with Mother, while Father threw around glass bottles from out in the kitchen, breaking the windows, crushing china, and everything else that had been important, or at least what once was important, to us. Mother was curled up in her ball, hidden in the darkest corner of the room, rocking, her heart-wrenching cries lifting up into the night air. And every time she cried, my soul would shatter. I hugged her, I told jokes, I laughed, and eventually, I couldn't anymore... I cried.

Then, we both became creatures of sorrow - the type that fills you so full of pain and hatred that it never lets go... The type of sorrow I still carry... The type of sorrow I shall carry for the remainder of my days.


	2. Chapter 2 Lost

The Looking Glass... Look through the Looking Glass and all the pain and sorrow in the world you live in will disappear, because you choose what you see when you look through the Looking Glass...

I was there that day. It was a normal day, just like any other. Father had went out, got drunk, came home, acted like a dumbtail, and made life rough. Yesterday had been a good day though. A very good day. We all went outside to the park, and had a picnic. Like any other normal family on the Planet Earth. We watched people flying and practice their martial arts while we ate. And it was one of the first times we had been out in a long time. It was a good day.

Then, there was today. The normal day. The drunk day. The depressed day. The 'I'm-staying-strong-but-I-don't-know-for-how-much-longer' day. Just a normal day.

After Father went and did all of his usual bull, he left. Went out of the house and didn't come back for two days. During those two days, Mother got worse and worse. She stopped eating. She wouldn't drink. No matter how hard I coaxed her, she wouldn't do anything for me. I was desperate - so, so desperate - and so, I literally had to knock her out, to force baby food down her throat so she'd have some sort of nutrients in her system...

...Father still hadn't gotten home. I was there... I had fallen off to sleep, reading a book on Aikido martial arts down in the den. That's when I heard the thud.

I ran upstairs, my heart beating in my chest. My mother had just fallen down. She was coming downstairs to grab something to eat or something, and just fell down. It wouldn't have been the first time, and it wouldn't have been the last, and she'd had so little to eat, it wouldn't have surprised me... But something in my soul screamed at me that something was wrong. I was at the door, and something told me not to go in there, DON'T GO IN THERE!

...Too late, I had opened the door. Too late, I saw the blood... Too late, I saw the fallen chair.


	3. Chapter 3 Desperate

The Looking Glass. Peer into the Looking Glass. Everything will change, everything will be okay, just peer through the Looking Glass...

..All the blood... I was ten. A little girl. I didn't know squat about healing and whatever like I do now. I was /ten/ a girl that needed her mother and father, no matter how horrid they were. It wasn't even their faults. They were sick, that's all, they were just sick..

I was ten... I screamed. I was ten. _Mama. Mama you can't leave me!_ I was ten. _Mama! MAMA!_

I was weak. I took the chair, climbed up, and cut the rope from around her throat with one of the small daggers from the bedside table that I noticed. _Ignore the blood. Ignore the blood. Get Mother down, and we'll deal with things from there. Stay calm, Lorelai Akimishi. _ I kept repeating the same thing to myself. _Focus. Focus on what's important here, freak out later._ As even a kid, I was known for keeping my head in situations... It's a trait you'd learn easily if you lived in the hell I did everyday.

I got Mother down... but it was too late to do anything. Her breathing was far too ragged and the bleeding wouldn't stop. She had cut herself in too many places. We didn't have a phone in the house - one of Father's hare-brained ideas about the government trying to take over people while they slept or something - so I couldn't call for help. I was alone, so alone, and I didn't know what to do.

_ Breathe, Lorelai. She's bleeding. Stop it._ First rule in First Aid: Use pressure to stop the bleeding. I grabbed the sheets off of the bed - not very sanitary, since she had been laying on them only moments before - but the quickest I could get to. If I had ran to another room to get different linen, she would have died for sure... and I had to try. She was already so far gone, but I had to try... Didn't I?

I ripped the cloth in shreds with my own hands, too far gone with panic and adrenaline to even need the knife anymore, wrapping the cloth around her wounds as quickly and securely as I could, the most rapid and tightest around her veins that she had torn through. There's not enough time, there's not enough time..._ Calm yourself, Lorelai. Work quickly, but breathe. Nothing will be okay if you don't keep your head._

I finished, watching desperately still as the once white linen was stained crimson...


	4. Chapter 4 If You Love Me

The Looking Glass... A world full of dreams and hopes... The Looking Glass... Everything will be okay. Just peer through the Looking Glass...

Her breathing was getting more ragged, more shallow. I tied even more cloths on top of the ones I had already tied, making sure to make them even tighter than the others had been. _Tight, tight, tight, tight, tight. Keep on the pressure, stop the bleeding. Tight. _I was so hysterical, all I wanted to do was laugh.

I cleaned up some of her wounds, while I was trying to stop the bleeding. The letters turned into words, the words turned into phrases, and the phrases eventually became just ragged cuts all over the place. 'Useless' 'Failure'. 'Sorry' 'I can't' 'Death' 'Pain' 'Hate' 'Why?' 'You did this.' 'Your fault.' The last words. 'Your fault'

"Come on, Mama," I remember whispering to her, fighting to hold my tears back. I didn't need those weak, infernal items to clog up my sight, turn me into a blithering idiot. I had to keep my cool, I had to keep Mama with me.

Her breathing got worse and worse, the new linen turning blood-red as was the floor. I couldn't take it anymore.

I lost it. And screamed... "IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL LIVE!"


	5. Chapter 5 Alone

The Looking Glass. Look through the Looking Glass. Everything will be fine. Peer into the Looking Glass...

"IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL LIVE! IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU'LL LIVE!" I kept screaming the phrase over and over and over, still bandaging her, still doing whatever I could do - CPR, anything. I even cut open one of my own veins, getting the lose end of a straw and a needle, making a make-shift IV, sticking it into her so it'd run through her as well. "COME ON, MAMA!"

Breathing, I watched as her breathing slowed more... Before stopping. And there was nothing I could do. I stayed there, holding her, until all the breath left her body, and instead of being strong like I should have been, I just curled up and cried.

I don't remember how long I stayed there, but I stayed there for a while... Father still wasn't home, so I did the one thing that I thought would make a difference - I peered through that looking glass.

_ I want Mama alive_ I thought over and over. _Please make her be alive..._


	6. Chapter 6 The Looking Glass

Look through the Looking Glass. If ever you want an escape, look through the Looking Glass...

And so I did. I peered into it with all my heart. I turned away from Mother first. Maybe it needed a chance to re-calibrate or something, without peering at the object the desire went with. Then I turned back... and it was all still there. The crimson floor. The cuts. The rope burns around her neck. The dead gaze. The cold body.

I turned back around on my heel, looking anywhere but back there. Okay... Okay. The Looking Glass needed something small to start with, something to focus on, and then everything would stop. So I wished that the knife behind the bed, that she had tossed down whenever she had kicked the chair out of the way, wouldn't be there. I took a deep breath, before looking again, through the Looking Glass...

But it was still there. All of it. All of it was still there. Mother dead. The blood. The knife. All of it was there...

I screamed and ran out of the room, clutching the Looking Glass to my chest. ...I missed the last step, and it was before I knew how to fly. I hit my head hard, and it was a blessed unconsciousness that overtook me.


End file.
